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December 3, 2012


Without a doubt he is the ugliest thing our barnyard has ever seen. Meet SnaggleHorn.

SnaggleHorn. He's ugly. Real ugly.

Turns our ThunderNuts was the worst $50 I've ever spent. We don't think he was as old as the folks said and he definitely was not mature or anywhere near it. After standing around this whole time waiting for him to get interested in the ladies I finally got mad and gave up. There was no thunder in his nuts at all. We finally couldn't wait any longer.

So we took the ladies to the breeder - a spectacular mini buck who threw flashy kids and award winning milkers. That didn't work either. We drove Debbie all the way up there twice. She wasn't interested at all in that buck at all. Nibbles however, thought he was great. Its a sad day when Nibbles is our best goat.

Debbie gave him a lot of kisses.

The jury is still out of Dahli - we should know within about a week. She didn't particularly think that mini buck was too bad... but you know... we have to see if that guy was Too Short or Just Tall Enough.  The mini buck was much much taller than Too Short and you'll recall that Too Short got the job done. So here is hoping.

With the breeding season quickly coming to a close we were running out of options. And there was Debbie. Out there in full heat on Friday. And no guarantee that Dahli was bred. So we took drastic measures. Extreme measures. Measures I would not take in normal time. But since Debbie didn't freshen last year this was her last chance. Her very last chance... if you take my meaning.

And snuggles. She calls him SnuggleHorn. I call him "Get off my fence you ugly ape!"

I knew someone who knew someone who had a buck. Apparently he was the last damn buck in all of Ohio. We drove four counties over to find the ugliest, stankiest, rankest buck that ever lived. He had some fancy name. We're calling him SnaggleHorn.

The seller was horrified at our lack of interest in SnaggleHorn's pedigree and paperwork. Being polite I thanked them and shoved the papers in my pocket. We really aren't Dairy Goat Association kind of people. If we had a herd name it would be "I Wish They Were Cows."  The last time I saw the pedigree paperwork Nicholas was chewing on it. Lets just say when he's done here - the place where SnagleHorn is going isn't interested in his paperwork either. They are just interested in the price per pound. I say no more on this.

By the time we got home we had used half our gas, all our money, wasted most of the day, and I was on my very last good damn nerve. I dragged his ugly ass right out of the truck and past the howling delights of the Dog Horde. Debbie saw us coming from a distance and ran to the fence and starting hopping around. SnaggleHorn walked a little faster. Then faster still. By the time we got to the gate he was dragging my ass right along with him. I got the gate open just in time for love.

Debbie LOVED him. I guess she just doesn't like short guys. But this big buck made her heart go pitter pat. I watched as much as I could. They got their business taken care of, lets just say that.

Then everything went downhill. Turns out SnaggleHorn hates me. Granted the feeling is mutual. As a result of his demonstrated malice toward me, he now hates the dog too. The dog thinks he's delicious and a lot of fun. I'll write another post soon called "Never Bring A Goat To A Dog Fight."

We are not set up to have a buck here - let alone one that keeps charging me whenever I get near the fence. Or tries to get over the fence. So we are shuffling all the goats around. It looks like I'll be doing more fencing today trying to get everyone sorted out. We have to keep SnaggleHorn for about 3 weeks to make sure Debbie "took."  Its like one of those Chinese puzzles - Nibbles can't be with the buck, Debbie can't be with Dahli, and SnaggleHorn has to be somewhere so I can work in the barnyard. called Peanut.... is actually making himself useful. He and Dahli are teamed up in the turkey house. They spend their days snuggling, having tea parties, and watching Desperate Housewives.

So that's the long and short of it. Who knows what is going to happen today. Wish me luck, friends. I could end up in a heap run down by the ugliest buck this side of the Mississippi... or not having to buy dog food for a month. Anything can happen. I'll keep my butcher knives sharp, and a watchful eye on SnaggleHorn , just in case.