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November 28, 2012

MegaSuperDuperLotto Fever and Hunters

Oh golly, Friends. Did all y'all run right out and get a MegaSuperDuper Lottery ticket for the big drawing tonite? Well, just don't you even bother because I got the winning ticket right here in my hot little hands. By this time tomorrow I could be on my shiny new plane heading to Goosenstein. That's right - you all know my big plans to become the Grand Poobah of my own country filled with geese. Its a dream within a dream. I can't wait until it happens.

I really love my friend L. She takes me to lunch and listens to my ridiculous stories. And she's my smartest friend. So even tho it takes me a while - I always listen to her. Yesterday she brought me a present - a powerball lotto ticket. And because something else really great happened yesterday - more on that later - I just know that its the lucky ticket. If you don't hear from me tomorrow its because I'm counting my millions and ordering that lot of 1,000 geese I'm dyin' to have.

That's all the good news.

The bad news is... its hunting season. Oh heavens. Hide the children and run for your lives because gun season has started in Ohio. Technically its about half over but I dunno if we are all gonna make it. There is nothing but half drunk idiots driving around the country side flashing their hot orange and carrying rifles....and shooting at everything.

Don't get me wrong. I love good hunters and I personally feel all them deer need to be blasted to kingdom come. Especially now that deer are my mortal enemy since my run in with one of them malcontents earlier this summer. But what I can't stand is the idiocy and lack of the fundamentals of gun safety.

Take yesterday. That low down, no good, son-of-a-golly-what with the stupid now-long-gone beagle was shooting on his property. Directly into our woods and the Good Neighbor's pasture. His property probably isn't even a quarter of an acre. But I think we all know that a bullet from a rifle goes much further than that. The Good Neighbor's stock had all run for their lives, Nibs and Dahlia had taken cover in the goat house, my chickens were flying everywhere, and the dogs were losing their minds. But I hope he enjoyed his target practice.

Gosh. I hope that wasn't him hunting down back in our woods this morning. I've had the dogs out there barking since just after sun up. There probably isn't a deer to be found for miles since Zander's big woof carries for miles. Sorry your hunting trip didn't turn out how you wanted it. Now get off my property.

Good luck on that lottery drawing folks, and remember to run in a slow arching pattern while you are out there doing your chores. From time to time drop and do a barrel roll... then run for the house in a zigzag pattern just to be sure.

Happy Wednesday!