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June 8, 2012

Today was the last day. The very last day.

*OFG stomps angrily up the hill from the pig yard, throws feed bucket out of view, yells into camera....*

"This is the last... the LAST day that I'm getting in the pen with them lazy, no-good, filthy, flea ridden, thrice cursed, despicable, disgusting daughters of Jezebel!"  * Throws hat down for emphasis.*

"I tell you the truth! The only reason that them pigz ain't bacon right now is because they need to get just a little bit bigger or I won't even have me enough for a picnic ham! Why I oughta just let the dogs have them no good, sorry, stanky, mud covered ladies of ill repute right now!"

Beside her the dogs silently plead with their eyes, "Come on.... give the order... give the order...we want them pigz... pah-leeeeeeeze..."

OFG bends over to pick up her hat, giving the camera an unflattering view of her tailfeathers. Right there, smack dab in the middle of her port cheek is a perfectly formed, in mud, outline of a pig's nose.

Behind her the dogs try to stifle snickers. Kai holds a paw over Zanders mouth, Lucky's eyes get big, and even Ti tries to look away. As OFG stomps away swearing a blue streak and spitting out words that gentle readers such as yourselves should never hear.... the dogs lose their composure entirely.

"Did you see what was on her bottom!?!" Kai and Zander fall into fits, lay on the ground holding their bellies, laughing uncontrollably. Lucky snorts something out his nose. Ti just shakes his head muttering, "Well glory be, I guess them pigz stuck their nose in her business."  This sends the dogs into further fits of giggles.

"I CAN HEAR YOU!" OFG screams from off camera. She's mad. Real mad.

The dogs quail.

"Run!" Yells Ti and they all break away.....except for Lucky who's still laughing. He also never remembers that their Commanding Officer always circles back around looking for malcontents.

Lucky is summarily snatched up and sent to the brig for "conduct unbecoming." Again.

This is, in fact, the very last day I will get in the pen with them pigz. The next time they see me coming it will be with an axe in one hand and my butchering knives in the other. And now I'm gonna go wash my best work shorts and hope to get this stupid muddy-pig-nose-print off of them.

All y'all can go off now and have a nice day. I'm mad a hell.