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January 31, 2012

Chicken McNuts

There is a McDonald's on our way to the biggest small town near us. We pass it everytime we drive in and its always busy. Always. Lately they've been advertising an inhuman amount of their Chicken McNuts for like $2. It just sounds horrible.

One of the downsides of making your own food - and I mean when Step #1 is running out there and butchering something in your yard - is that you can't go out to eat anymore. It doesn't taste good. And its not worth it. At best its expensive and disappointing - and at worst you end up with ecoli or botulism. Or just sick because your system rejects all the crap they put in their food. And when I say "they" I mean to tell you its just about everyone. There's a couple places we can go but mostly we just avoid most of it.

We met some folks at their favorite diner recently. It was awful. I could believe it wasn't butter. And those were barely pancakes. More like space pancakes because I'm pretty sure if we launched them into orbit they'd still be there a million years from now and probably wouldn't even burn up if they ever hit atmo. I guess after a while you start to taste all of the fillers and stabilizers and such. Blech.

A couple news stories caught my eye recently. I dunno if you saw the story about the teenager who only ate McNuggets?  Then she passed out and has health problems? Is anyone really surprised?

I tell you who isn't - Weight Watchers. Did you see that they have a "deal" with McD's to list McNuggets as a healthy option for their plan? I thought it was a joke at first. Seriously? Sure I get it that WW might want to list fast food in their points system. But to put the WW brand on the McD's menu? On McNuggets? Come on. I woulda loved to be at that marketing meeting. I bet a couple of them boys had a bet that it would never work.

Do you even know whats IN them chicken nuggets?  Have you seen this gross pink stuff? And more on it here...and check out Jaimie O and the kids.

As a person who regularily guts chickens I can tell you two things...

1. To be clear, there are parts on a chicken that could be considered "nuggets" - but no one wants to eat them. Chicken nuts do not resemble their nugget counterparts. Aside from a rooster's cojones, there are no nuggets located on a chicken.

2. They claim that a generous 50% of the ingredients really is chicken in a nugget . White meat. I'm here to tell you that most of the meat on a young, but still ready, creepy meat is kinda white meat. There really isn't dark meat because the commercially raised and processed bird is so young. I'm not sure if this is a technicality - and McD's says "white boneless chicken" - which leaves the door open for a lot of pieces and parts.  So I hope you weren't expecting all boneless breast meat in that whooping 50% meat.

Sure, you're saying to yourself, you dont eat that crap. What about the frozen stuff you're eating? Does it come in a bag? Does it pretend to be an appetizer or an anytime-tizer-thing? We got some a while ago thinking we'd have pizza and wing-dings. But after the first couple boneless wings we both started looking at each other. Sure, in an academic sense, it was in fact chicken. But there just seemed to be a little too much weirdness for us. Of all the chicken we've "made" here at home we've never had the same consistency or texture as what we found in an enticing bag of chicken wing bites in the freezer section of our local store.

I dunno. If we live in a world where someone's mother would let her kid eat nothing but nuggets for 15 years and where Weight Watchers strikes a "deal" with McDs to have a 50% meat-not-nut on their menu...then maybe we'd better have a little talk about nutrition in the next couple of weeks. What do you say?

I can tell you for a fact that we are not going to the McD's drive thru for a sack-o-chicken-nuts, no matter what the price.

Happy Tuesday everyone! Now spit out that breakfast-franken-food and go make yourself an egg!